I’M WHO GOD SAYS THAT I AM—NOT WHO ANY MAN SAYS I AM

--Zechariah Hollomon, Jr.

We have to let our young people know, very early on, that there will always be someone in this world attempting to define you—who you are, as well as what you can do. Sometimes the attempt will be (they think) for your betterment. But that will not always be the case. So, I would advise that while you cannot always avoid hearing other people’s opinions, you CAN avoid “listening” to them. In other words, you can avoid making their opinions about you YOUR opinions about you.

So, I encourage our younger generation to work to develop a true sense of yourself and do this early in life. Don’t wait to do it! Check in with yourself to determine if what “they” are saying about you rings true to you. This means that you will need to have spent time with yourself getting to know yourSELF to determine if what they have said has any validity. Will their “truth” about you propel you forward or hold you back, make your life more positive or more negative.

Of course, no one is particularly free of someone else’s notions about them, unfortunately this self assessment is even more important if you are a Black man in America (or any place, really), because people come into your orbit already with long-held biases and stereotypes and ideas about who you are, what you can accomplish, your capacity to learn, and how you feel about a myriad of things. Accept and improve upon the things that you see/feel can help you. Throw away the things that you determine to be a negative drain on your life and mental health. My mantra these days is, “I am who God says I am, not who man says that I am.” It has served me well as it relates to my self esteem, my self confidence, as well as how I move and interact with the world. So, do not allow the world to define you. Only God and you have the right and ability to define the person that you are and can become.

In my lifetime, I have seen many positive changes and improvements in this country and in the world in general. In a fairly short period of time, I have seen computers go from room-filling to pocket-sized. And I have seen us as Black people go from incremental improvements in interpersonal, intercultural, and interracial relations only to see those things rapidly deteriorate—particularly in the last decade or so. Not that any of these areas were where I thought they should be, but there were positive movements and positive evolutions. I feel that there were/are several reasons for this deterioration, not the least of them being humankind’s penchant for needing someone or something to feel “better than.” And this country, given her history and ruling inhabitants, generally and obviously believes it needs to feel better than you—my Black and Brown-skinned brothers. No, America cannot escape her racist and exclusionary roots, but at least things seemed to be moving in the right direction. The last 10,15, 25 years have seen us take decidedly backwards steps, a lot of it on the backs of people of color. The anonymity of the internet makes it easier for people to rant and rave about everything and not have to take accountability for their words or actions, because they can hide behind a screen name. They can say anything, even without having to truly think about what they are saying or flesh out any of their ideas or arguments ... nor back up their hypotheses with facts.

I think that it makes us a lazy society. What it hasn’t done, however, is make people lazy about “showing their ass” (as some of my aunts would say), with stupid or unfeeling comments and opinions. No, the modern-day political parties did not invent racism and misogyny or gender discrimination, but certain members made it okay for the hidden racists, etc., to come out the closet and be more vocal than they had been in years! And that has a direct effect on anyone who is not a member of the ‘club’. Like most people, I have gotten lots of advice over the years (some good, some … meh), but I have been blessed to grow up amongst a very wise tribe. One piece that I remember to this day is something that my uncle (my father’s youngest brother) told me when I was about nine or ten years old. We were in his Mustang car, which he was keeping at our house while he was away in the military. I don’t remember how we got on the topic, but he quoted me a passage of Scripture from the Bible, the Apostle Paul’s admonition to “in all thy ways, get an understanding.” This concept was often reinforced by my maternal grandfather, who consistently taught us to get and deal with the facts. Then, my uncle stressed that going to school and getting an education was good, but he also encouraged me, stressing the fact that doing it in four years (college) was not the end-all and be- all. If it took five years or six, so what? It was most important that I get understanding. So, that is what I emphasize today; do it in the shortest amount of time that it takes you to understand.